I haven't blogged on here in so long but I am at a place in my life right now that I need to vent. No doubt there are things in my life that are going exceedingly well. For starters I have a wonderful job, bosses and coworkers. I have a nice apartment and a new puppy that I am in love with completely. However this puppy is WORK and it takes two for sure. I went into this commitment with Matt, feeling ever so much more nervous and cautious about getting involved in another commitment with Matt when the man hasn't commited to me. He hasn't asked me to marry him and it's driving me nuts. It's driving my parents nuts. Even his parents seem confused as to why he hasn't asked. This has been hurting our relationship ever so much more as each day rolls by. I need him in my life and I love him, but when do I say enough is enough? What is the timeline for this sort of thing in which I finally have to decide to say goodbye. I believe there are other men out there who would want to make that commitment and not "sit on it." Then again there are times I wonder... is it me? Am I the reason he hasn't asked? I can be pushy and mean, and lately we have not been getting along at all. I give him attitude because of this. Is he hesitating to ask because the right time hasn't come up because of my bad attitude towards him right now? Is he hesitating to ask me because the ring I want is too expensive? I am not sure. At this point, do I want to marry him? I feel lost with him and in a rut. He doesn't value his time with me and is more interested in spending quality time with the dog if that makes sense. I am trying to tell him what I need but I just don't know how. He doesn't understand me when I try to tell him. I tell him I need more romance, more special attention and quality time. I deserve that. There are plenty of other men who would be interested in giving that to me in a heart beat. He takes me for granted. I am hitting my limit and I am very unhappy. The fact that I was left all weekend with too much responsibility was enough, but for him not to care about it at all makes me infuriated. He says he cares but I know he doesn't. He never calls interested in how I am doing, all he wants to know is that the dog is okay. Of course the dog is okay. It didn't die on my watch. I am a good owner. I feel semi-foolish for getting into that kind of commitment with him when it could have and has become unequal. He's not supportive or there for me. He didn't even ask if it was okay to leave me for almost a week and alone with the dog. He was going to work, but that work is always optional, and he had a much more pressing obligation and responsibility which was dumped on me. He doesn't understand that this is the reason I have been resentful to him about it. This was just another way he took me for granted. So it added to the bigger picture of why I am so unsatisfied in this relationship. So now what? Do I continue to spoon feed him what I need while he acts victimized and doesn't absorb what I am telling him? Or do I walk away from this relationship?
